BLODY NOOSES

fuck man, so i had this great idea of the best way to give oneself a bloody nose. its my impression that to get a bloody nose you don't have to do something too stupid. so check it- my idea starts with gathering a pinch of sand, non-toxic glue, and some string. the string doesn't have to be that long, three inches at most, one inch at least. the glue should have some give to it when its dried. and the more granular the sand the better.

once you've got the ingredients the first thing you need to do is apply the glue to the string. next step: roll the string in the sand giving it a somewhat even distibution of sand across the whole of the string. you're almost done. now leave the sandy glued string in a dry place for three or four days. don't fuck with it too much. make sure the string is loose and bendable. the way string should be. and make sure the sand is all over it.

now you're ready. take the string and place it inside the desired nostril. then press your nostril closed with one of your fingers. now, with your free hand, take the string and rapidly pull it out of the pressed-in nostril. ta-da! you've got a bloody nose! so if you ever have to be in a movie where someone is eating out a very pregnant woman's vagina and then suddenly her water breaks on said person's face, and the pregnant woman sort of freaks out and kicks the cunilingerer's nose out as she jumps up and gathers her bearings, thats the way to do it so that its the most real.



better than the fake shit. only problem is you'll be smelling iron for a little while. don't worry its just the blood in your nose!