BLODY NOOSES

fuck man, so i had this great idea of the best way to give oneself a bloody nose. its my impression that to get a bloody nose you don't have to do something too stupid. so check it- my idea starts with gathering a pinch of sand, non-toxic glue, and some string. the string doesn't have to be that long, three inches at most, one inch at least. the glue should have some give to it when its dried. and the more granular the sand the better.

once you've got the ingredients the first thing you need to do is apply the glue to the string. next step: roll the string in the sand giving it a somewhat even distibution of sand across the whole of the string. you're almost done. now leave the sandy glued string in a dry place for three or four days. don't fuck with it too much. make sure the string is loose and bendable. the way string should be. and make sure the sand is all over it.

now you're ready. take the string and place it inside the desired nostril. then press your nostril closed with one of your fingers. now, with your free hand, take the string and rapidly pull it out of the pressed-in nostril. ta-da! you've got a bloody nose! so if you ever have to be in a movie where someone is eating out a very pregnant woman's vagina and then suddenly her water breaks on said person's face, and the pregnant woman sort of freaks out and kicks the cunilingerer's nose out as she jumps up and gathers her bearings, thats the way to do it so that its the most real.



better than the fake shit. only problem is you'll be smelling iron for a little while. don't worry its just the blood in your nose!

EQUATIONS!!

well they can't all be zinger's- right? sorry about the winnie post. it was no good. i just got excited, thats all. lots of kool keith lately. he's good summer material. the personal album is terrific. desiel truckers is also exceptional. listening to some cenobites. black elvis. and once (today actually) i listened to sex style. i think sex style will get some more play. maybe i'll even bust out octagon. and if that happens, i'll surely go on a dr. dooom binge. i always do. every summer.
HOLD THIS! HERE'S SOME BREAD!!

also in the deck lately has been the following:



gary lewis and the playboy's "she's just my style"
mf doom "operation: doomsday" & "mm food"
king pleasure "moody's mood for love"
k dee "ass, gas, or cash (no one ride's for free)"
jj fad "supersonic" [the album fucka]
biz markie "diabolical"
r. kelly - the trapped in the closet series, naturally... check earlier posts below if you don't know
the 1981 christmas rapper's contest [busy bee, tony wa, kool moe dee, and others - but them in particular]
freddie foxxx "crazy like a foxxx"
cassidy, freestyles and such
tim dog's "bitch with a perm" [a snoop dis song]
patsy cline
jackie-o
and lil' d a/k/a grandmaster b a/k/a david faustino a/k/a bud bundy

plus the rough love mixtape, which, if you don't know, is the best mixtape i've put together in two years... and if you don't know - i make lots and lots of mixtapes. ask me for one, i'd love to send you one. give me something to do, inbetween reading about charlie manson, and listening to all that stuff, plus i gotta get ready for my sister's wedding which i am dj'ing. so i need to put stuff together just for idea getting anyway. be my muse yo! tell your friends too. ya'll could all get mixtapes yo!! and they'll all be different!! lets be friends!!!!!

WINNIE THE COOPER


well today i think i might be getting a job. but then i have to take time off almost immediately afterward because of my sister's wedding. oops! maybe that means they won't give it to me. oh well. winnie cooper ladies and laddies....


apparantly winnie is a great mathemtician. i always knew she was special. i'm imagining i'm kevin arnold these days. hey winnie, why don't you come over? lets have a drink. i'll make dinner for you. we'll write letters when you leave town this time. i love you. MATH!!! MATH!!!!

happy birthstille day kid

A SCANNER DARKLY...



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EXTRAPOLATING & RAP RELATING

have you you heard this trapped in the closet series?!!!? oh man, i'm telling you! A-mazing!! so many people have lots of things to say about r. but don't know the first thing about him. and that irks me. its fucked up. its the same as people saying, "i love music, but i hate country music." what does that mean? its also like people in the same conversation saying, "i like everything". because; no ya don't. what are you people talking about? i on the other hand am interested in every bit of music in the world, that way i don't have to love or hate it. its the same way i feel, about you. so listen, one time i said this:

some feel like r. kelly is tremendous
like daryl strawberry's cousin
like a baseball field
wanna hit a homerun
like on half on a baby
with unfinished jay-z
b9
i'm stupendous
a lot of my space friendship
got one that i didn't vote against yet-
ugh!
nice watch though
where ya hidin' it--
what time is it?

its all about the relationship between tremendous and stupendous. get with it yo.
he affects every one of us. love this man.

SPLATTERPUFF & ELKAPHANT

listen up mufuckas! i am the creator of the word splatterpuff and the aminal elkaphant. thats right, i created the word with my brain. and the animal with my my-first-bio-engineering-kit set. after i run for, and win the election for, mayor of the small central city of utica, in the grand state of new york, i will set my course for world domination. cumming on a town near you.

i'm also going to be calling people "bop" and "ak" ( pronounced: ock) from now on.

here are some examples:

your kid will pop pills in a lunchbox ak!

follow my lead bop!

WHY DO YOU ASK?



fbi don't you be watchin' me!

so i don't know how to get this thing to work the way i want it to just fucking work. images of. but i guess there's very little i can do about that. gregory despres...gregory despres.....gregory despres....gregory despres.....gregory despres....gregory despres...gregory despres......gregory despres.....gregory despres...

yesterday was the fourth of july. i more or less ignored it. i've been toying with the idea of starting a cult. i've been reading up on jim jones. and i am ready to embark on an intense charles manson journey. MAN-SON! MAN - SON!!!my cult is gonna be pretty rad to say the least. i've got a name that i've been toying with a little bit. check it out:

THE RADICAL NETWORK

huh?!?! eh?! its a way of life really. radical. so far my cult is going fairly well. i have two members that are already high ranking officials. which reminds me, that, i should tell them. there are others that have contributed in some way or another at some time or another as well. as it stands right now. there are two games that the radical network has developed into full on artforms. the first game (the most righteous of all in the radical network) is called RADICAL. the second activity is called RADICAL, but i have been thinking about altering that name, albeit very slightly (perhaps by having the A's switch places). allow me to explain the rules and dynamics of these games. we'll start with Radical, the first one.

well, first off, you need at least two people. but you can add an infinite number of people. so long as there are people, they can be added. but lets say you got two people. next thing you guys need is a tennis ball. preferably a penn brand tennis ball.

but any tennis ball will do. then you and your radical counterpart(s) need to get into overindulged positions. you can be lying down on couches or you can be half passed out on the floor with a carton of ice cream balancing on your bare stomach. the idea of the game is to throw the ball back and forth. the other idea of being good at being radical. and pretty much anything goes. the only thing else, really, is that you shouldn't be excited, or moving around or anything like that. thats just ridiculous. this game is a lazy river of chi. its radical, thats definite, an art.

relevant things

something relatively long- in order to reach, and assist in the retreival of, the radical, while simultaneously keeping all players in their positions

things that are soft- in order to create the desired levels of comfort

sunglasses-radical is best played in well lit rooms, so sunglasses often come in handy, sunglasses also keep counterparts guessing